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Roster of Editors on M&C DL List Swells

August 12, 2009

As the trade magazine-publishing season turns into summer’s home stretch, an alarming number of Meetings & Conventions magazine editors have been added to “the DL,” or disabled list.

One of three top editors currently riding the bench, due to a heel-bone fracture, is executive editor Loren Edelstein, an avid long-distance runner and much-feared enforcer of “business style.”

“Edel’s been favoring her right foot for a spell, and as a result her eagle-eye for unnecessary vamping on the part of that ragtag bunch out in the bullpen hasn’t been what it used to be,” said M&C editing coach Bob “Pops” Winkum.

“Just the other day, in fact, I heard tell that pup Slaton managed to slip in a portmanteau of his own devising,” Winkum added. “Shameful.”

Lori Cioffi, top editor at the meetings publication, has been with M&C so long that she can recite from memory a litany of every person who has ever worked for the magazine, including their pets. (Those without pets never last very long.)

But Cioffi, too, has been sidelined by an unspecified ailment. Recent editor’s podium columns of hers, long heralded for their screwball accuracy and wit, have been veering off into increasingly paranoid territory.

“The August ed pod [M&C vernacular—ed.] was an enemies list of everyone in the meetings industry who’s ever crossed her,” said a former managing editor colleague of Cioffi’s, who asked to remain anonymous after seeing his name on the list.

Ominously, Vincent “Vinnie” Alonzo, editor-in-chief of rival club Successful Meetings, and whose name also appeared on Cioffi’s list, could not be reached for comment.

Completing the M&C triumvirate on the DL, managing editor Allen “Jay” Sheinman, a bawdy Catskills lefthander known for his penchant for pencils and puns, was benched this week due to nose surgery.

“You see, my schnoz, it was fercockt!” said the suspiciously ebullient Sheinman, who has been confided to bed rest and no more than three moldy puns per day.

Some M&C insiders speculate, however, that Sheinman in fact has not been under the knife at all, but instead is using the story as cover while he shoots a high-budget documentary and fields offers from Hollywood agents.

One massively bearded source, who is close to Sheinman, reported seeing the editor with former M&C all-star Tom Isler, recently traded to a Pennsylvania law club farm team, blocking shots on Monday in Brooklyn’s Coney Island neighborhood.

It is hoped by all in the industry that the rumors are not true, and that the two meetings-industry editrixes and one edit-mensch soon will be healthy and back at their desks for the postseason business-publication pennant race.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 12, 2009 4:05 pm

    Dude, I don’t know any of those people and yet that was the most entertaining and hilarious report I have ever read. I wanted it to be longer.

    You should do more of this stuff.

  2. August 12, 2009 7:04 pm

    Editrixes? Edit-mensch? Ed-pod? What the hell is all this lingo?

  3. suzie permalink
    August 12, 2009 10:39 pm

    It’s always Vinnie.

  4. hslaton permalink*
    August 18, 2009 1:52 pm

    Glad to see you sometimes read this, Suzie. 🙂

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